you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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