Sponge bath it is.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
