i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
