I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I lost the right to judge tonight
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
