she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
