I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
