sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
