i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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