why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
