pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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