Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.