My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum