i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.