At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
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Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.