I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
too bad you live with your parents still
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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