That's when you crack a 10am beer
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
