I think my vagina is haunted
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
