Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
