I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
