My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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