I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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