woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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