I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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