Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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