My sheets look like a crime scene.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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