You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
