I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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