I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
