I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
