The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
