Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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