at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think I sprained my soul last night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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