i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
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areolas are like halos for boobs.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
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you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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