I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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