I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB