You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
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there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
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before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet