Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's never too late to be topless.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!