you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...