Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
this is an emotional support booty call