Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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