he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
