if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
