yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
