I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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