Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
