Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
pray to the hookup gods
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
