Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
