im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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