we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i believe in u and ur pee
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
