wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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