Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
