Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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