just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
