we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
