I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
