I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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