I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
