I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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