Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize