You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
