you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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