everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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