question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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