i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
