a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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