piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
