im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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