I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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