I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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